“One day I will find the right words, and they will be simple.”
–Jack Kerouac, The Dharma Bums
Yes Jack, I couldn’t have put it better.
So this is either a filler for myself to keep this blog thing going and/or a spark to light a fire inside of me to keep writing about something . . . ANYTHING!! It’s hard not to make excuses on why I haven’t written anything, but it’s just as hard to take care of everything else in my life before I do start putting words on paper (or in this case, computer? digital?). So then the argument comes up again which says, “If you were really serious about this writing thing, this would be your first, second and third priority.” First of all, the asshole who came up with that sentence should go f*ck himself.
(I wanna say it’s not me, and I have this nagging feeling that it’s not, but Google said otherwise, so I’m more than likely the asshole who should go f*ck myself)
Second, if there is a secret technique that allows me to take care of my pregnant wife, attend and finish my schoolwork, hustle for a part-time job because retirement pension alone isn’t cutting it…
(although I could make the argument that along with my Post 9-11 GI bill housing allowance, I should be ok, but I’m not gonna. I’d rather not have to worry about whether my family has enough money to spend per month)
… continue a strict (and I use that term loosely) exercise regimen because:
- I made a quasi-bet/shared endeavor with Arnold “Weber” Basingat to lose a significant amount of weight by the end of this year,
- The “jokes” and “pokes” of my wife about my portliness is starting to get to me,
- I’d really like to get as close to early 2000s me back in the day…
…and after all that gather up the energy and creative juices to spit out some insightful or entertaining bit of printed composition, I’d like to know it.
And third, perhaps I’m really not prioritizing my writing to be my one and only focus. Maybe I should devote less of my attention to my family, my education, my way to make ends meet and my choice to look and be healthier, and more to honing my “chosen craft.” So what if I run the risk of alienating my wife (and soon to be child), failing school (and losing out on that veteran benefit I mentioned earlier), worrying about having enough funds to take care of your alienated wife & child, and getting fat, out-of-shape and going the way of your ancestors via heart attack? It’s the sacrifices one must make for the art. If that’s what it takes to become a successful writer, then maybe I should rethink my motivations.
But I’d like to think there’s a way to take care of all my responsibilities as a devoted husband, (future) loving father, dedicated student, responsible breadwinner and health-conscious individual AND successful writer. I’ll just have to tweak my understanding of what “successful” means. Do I want to be Stephen King the writer successful? Do I want to be Bob Woodward the journalist successful? Do I even want to be Perez Hilton the blogger successful? Or should I just keep on doing what I’m doing and juggling all 5 of these roles, counting the fact that I haven’t dropped the ball (too much) as successful?
Well as a rational human-being I’ll settle for that. But I’d be lying if there wasn’t that dreamer in me who wants to reach those heights.
You know what? Shut up, smart me!